she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
