I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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