We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
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Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
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mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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