I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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