my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
