So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
