btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
