You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
