I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
