I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
