please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
