I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
