Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
