weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
