Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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