We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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