You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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