you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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