If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
