fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
