So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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