Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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