How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
