did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sext me about skeletons
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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