my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
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dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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