im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
