You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
