So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize