True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
