i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
