You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
