Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
