The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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