dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
