Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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