tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
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After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
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For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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