R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
