there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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