Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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