Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
