Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
