So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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