I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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