dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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