come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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