does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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