my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
