Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
