The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
