I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm both gender and math confused
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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