So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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