He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
