Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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