i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he thought i was a dude.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
