I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Rumble strips road head = magical
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
