Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
