i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
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