Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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